mraaaaaaawp

18th February 2012

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I’m gonna do this real quick before I go out. The year was 1993. I was six years old, and six years into my lifelong love of videogames. I had an NES and a Genesis, but I was just as (if not moreso) into PC gaming. My dad was too - even back then I was an enormous nerd, and would usually go with my dad to various computer software stores to nerd out (we’d even go to Egghead, a pretty awesome software retail store back in the day, to get every new Microsoft OS at midnight on release day). Anyway, this day happened be within a few days of when Day of the Tentacle  was released. This was the sequel to Maniac Mansion, an amazing point and click game worked on by the legendary Tim Schafer, who also worked on the Monkey Island games, and went to make some of the best games of all time. I didn’t know who he was at the time, but I did know that this game was sequel to Maniac Mansion. I knew my dad had likely bought it for me for my birthday that month, but I really needed to play it right then. Luckily, they had it set up on a computer there. But there was a line! So I waited, in my converse shoes, little red shorts, and some t-shirt I can’t recall. I waited for what felt like hours (probably 15 minutes tops) until it was my turn. Only one problem: by that point, I desperately had to pee. Not just “had to pee”, I mean squeezing your crotch and jumping up and down for the biblical flood “had to pee.” I couldn’t go to the bathroom, though, as three or four older kids were already waiting in line behind me. Fuck it. I had to play. And it was great. I was barely old enough to comprehend anything that was going on (I could only play through Maniac Mansion by mimicking what I had seen others do) but it was fantastic. The pee didn’t subside though - the burning sensation only got worse. The kids behind me could tell. “Hey, looks like you gotta use the bathroom.” “No I don’t.” “Just get off the computer and go.” “NO NO NO NO NO” Yeah, I had a borderline tantrum. But I didn’t care. I was NOT going to let these kids spoil this game for me, even if it meant peeing my pants right then and there. So that’s what I did. I let loose as I played the game, and a HUGE puddle of rusty piss shot out of the bottom of my shorts and formed around me as I played, refusing to so much as look away from the screen. The kids behind me laughed and made fun of me, but I could not have cared less. My dad walked up to me. “David, what the…?” I never told my dad what made me pee my pants that night, and he’d be fucking furious even to this day if I told him. As he led me to the bathroom to clean me up, I could still hear those kids laughing, but I doubt they’d have stepped through that puddle to get to the computer. I don’t have anything else to say about this except that I’m glad Tim Schafer’s next adventure game is only being released digitally, so I don’t have anything to worry about this time.

I’m gonna do this real quick before I go out.

The year was 1993. I was six years old, and six years into my lifelong love of videogames. I had an NES and a Genesis, but I was just as (if not moreso) into PC gaming. My dad was too - even back then I was an enormous nerd, and would usually go with my dad to various computer software stores to nerd out (we’d even go to Egghead, a pretty awesome software retail store back in the day, to get every new Microsoft OS at midnight on release day).

Anyway, this day happened be within a few days of when Day of the Tentacle  was released. This was the sequel to Maniac Mansion, an amazing point and click game worked on by the legendary Tim Schafer, who also worked on the Monkey Island games, and went to make some of the best games of all time. I didn’t know who he was at the time, but I did know that this game was sequel to Maniac Mansion. I knew my dad had likely bought it for me for my birthday that month, but I really needed to play it right then. Luckily, they had it set up on a computer there.

But there was a line! So I waited, in my converse shoes, little red shorts, and some t-shirt I can’t recall. I waited for what felt like hours (probably 15 minutes tops) until it was my turn. Only one problem: by that point, I desperately had to pee. Not just “had to pee”, I mean squeezing your crotch and jumping up and down for the biblical flood “had to pee.” I couldn’t go to the bathroom, though, as three or four older kids were already waiting in line behind me.

Fuck it. I had to play. And it was great. I was barely old enough to comprehend anything that was going on (I could only play through Maniac Mansion by mimicking what I had seen others do) but it was fantastic. The pee didn’t subside though - the burning sensation only got worse. The kids behind me could tell.

“Hey, looks like you gotta use the bathroom.”

“No I don’t.”

“Just get off the computer and go.”

“NO NO NO NO NO”

Yeah, I had a borderline tantrum. But I didn’t care. I was NOT going to let these kids spoil this game for me, even if it meant peeing my pants right then and there.

So that’s what I did. I let loose as I played the game, and a HUGE puddle of rusty piss shot out of the bottom of my shorts and formed around me as I played, refusing to so much as look away from the screen. The kids behind me laughed and made fun of me, but I could not have cared less.

My dad walked up to me. “David, what the…?”

I never told my dad what made me pee my pants that night, and he’d be fucking furious even to this day if I told him. As he led me to the bathroom to clean me up, I could still hear those kids laughing, but I doubt they’d have stepped through that puddle to get to the computer.

I don’t have anything else to say about this except that I’m glad Tim Schafer’s next adventure game is only being released digitally, so I don’t have anything to worry about this time.

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