December 2009
10 posts
A customer picked up some wrapping paper next to the register.
Customer: How come this says "Merry" AND "HAPPY CHRISTMAS?"
Me: I don't know.
Customer: That's liberal. GARBAGE.
Me: It says "Christmas," not "Holidays."
Customer: That's ridiculous. I'm not buying this. It won't work.
Me: Fine, don't.
Customer: You support this war on Christmas?
Me: I'm a pretty neutral guy, to be honest.
Customer: Well, whatever. MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Me: Happy holidays, sir.
*phone rings*
Me: Hello?
Customer: Yeah I bought a GPS the other day, and today I found a coupon for 25 dollars off a GPS. Can I use it?
Me: Yeah, just bring it in with the reciept.
Customer: It's only good for today though, and I don't live close by.
Me: Ah.
Customer: So can I do it over the phone?
Me: No.
Customer: Why not?
Me: We can't take coupons over the phone.
Customer: That's stupid!
Me: How am I supposed to give you 25 dollars over the phone?
Customer: I don't fucking know! Jesus!
*click*
My friend Amy has a similar work situation
kid in hockey warmups #1: we want to pierce our ears, which earrings are the best?
me: well, we recommend the 14kt. gold...
kid #1: we're just shoving them through our ears, which are the best for that?
me: the piercing earrings are sharp on the ends? technically, none of the earrings are the best for that because that's gross.
kid #2: *holds up christmas earrings* if i wore these, would you date me?
me: no
kid #2: why not?
me: uh, i'm a lot older than you.
kid #2: i'm 17! it's not like that's illegal.
me: actually, yeah. that's pretty illegal.
Customer: What are those? What are they for?
Me: Batteries.
Customer: Huh?
Me: BATTERIES. DOUBLE A BATTERIES.
When she handed me her rewards card, I glanced at her name. After her name was Ph.D.
One of our regular customers is a guy I affectionately refer to as Creeper, because he is EXTREMELY cross-eyed, and as you may have guessed, creeps everyone out. Last night, creeper paid for his items with a few gift certificates.
Me: (after I processed the gift certificates) Okay, you'll have a balance of a little over a dollar left on this one.
Creeper: Wait! You were supposed to do the other one first! Now I'll have to spend this one again this month!
Me: Well, you should have told me that. There isn't much I can do now. The new one will have a new expiration date, though.
Creeper: (leans in as I lean back) You should have known to do that!
Me: It's not my job! You're in here every week anyway, this won't expire.
Creeper: Fine. (Sees new expiration date) Oh, okay. You and I are okay. I'm not gonna get you in trouble.
Me: I wasn't gonna get in trouble.
Creeper *scowls and leaves*
Dearest 'publican customers:
I do not celebrate Christmas. Many of my friends do not. Many of them do. Many celebrate other holidays such as Channukah, Ramadan, a few Wiccan things that creep me out but are still absolutely fine, and some people don’t celebrate anything. I want to wish all of my friends (including the Christians) a good holiday season, so I say Happy Holidays. Nobody is making me say anything at all, it...
*phone rings*
Me: This is David, can I help you?
Customer (female): Do you carry electronic time clocks?
Me: Time clock?
Customer: Yeah, for employees.
Me: Oh, uh, yes we do.
Customer: How much do they cost?
Me: Umm, let me check. I'm not even sure if we have any in stock right now.
Customer: Oh, I'll just come in and check.
Me: Wait! I really don't -*click*
Later, a thirty-something woman came in.
Customer: Do you have any of these time clocks in?
Me: Let me check.
*I check*
Me: Nope.
Customer: You don't have ANY of them?
Me: Nope.
Customer: I called, and the person I spoke to said you guys had them. So you lied?
Me: You talked to me. I did not lie.
Customer: YOU said you had time clocks.
Me: I said I didn't know if we had any in stock. You hung up on me.
Customer: Fine. *Leaves*
This is why you should be polite on the phone. You might waste gas.
A grown man (with a three year old kid) drew a dick on the credit card reader instead of signing his name.
Man: Hahah. Why aren't you laughing at that?
Me: Grow up.
Man: YOU grow up!